2017 NBA Playoff Predictions — Round 2
Just because I make the amazing look routine doesn’t make it any less amazing. Shastradamus went 8–0 in the first round! I don’t even know what to say anymore about myself. I just wish I could see some $$$ in my future. But that’s another story altogether.
Now it’s the NBA playoffs and let’s be honest, the first round isn’t THAT hard to predict — although perfection is still perfection. So I want to focus on the little nuances I got right so you realize that one can be better than perfect — if you’re Shastradamus, that is.
· I predicted that Boston would have a tough time. Even though they came through in 6 games, they would have had it a lot tougher if Rondo hadn’t gone down. I still think they would have won, but it was a tougher series than most “experts” predicted. Lesson: There is only ONE expert when it comes to predicting sports outcomes. ONE! UNO! EK! And so on…
· Charles Barkley and other so-called experts were calling for a sweep of Memphis and professing doubts that the Grizzlies would pick up a game. Not only did Memphis give San Antonio all they could handle (like GUESS WHO said they would), they could have easily taken the series if not for a few minutes here and there. Of course, they lost because SHASTRADAMUS SAID SO! Stone Cold Steve Austin ain’t got nothin’ on me!
I could go on and on because I was right about every freaking series. But as I say all the time, I do this shit for free, so I’ll keep it short.
Before I go on to the second round, I want to thank Doc Rivers and Chris Paul for rewarding my lack of faith in them and flaming out again in the first round to a team whose best player is a white American (I don’t see color, but passport photos are another thing).
Keep doing those State Farm commercials, CP3 — that insurance agent comes through for you every time in those. Too bad the Clippers can’t say the same about you. If there were a Hall of Fame for dudes who make tough shots after the game is out of reach, you’d be first ballot.
Steve Ballmer better give Paul a $200 million contract where he will make $40 million at 37 — because surely he can do at 37 what he couldn’t do at 32 or 31 or 30 or…..keep subtracting 1 until you get to 5…maybe Paul won something in kindergarten.
On to the Conference Semifinals — a place Chris Paul rarely visits…
EASTERN CONFERENCE
CELTICS VS. WIZARDS
The next time someone you know bitches about how much NBA players make, remind them of Isiah Thomas (after cursing your parents for your crappy, midget-y, non-athletic genes). Most normal human beings would be catatonic for months after what happened to him. And this guy goes out and plays 6 playoff games! Unreal. He plays for the Celtics so I can’t say anything nicer about him. But his performance and that of Boston overall was unbelievable. I couldn’t believe he played in any game, let alone Game 1.
As for this series, everyone’s been slobbering over the Wizards and also over John Wall. I don’t get it. Is he a good player? Sure. But if he’s the best player on your team, you’re not winning the title. And especially not when your third best player is….who exactly? Gortat, one of the Morris twins, Otto Porter? John Wall is a minus defender and can’t shoot reliably from the outside. He’s a poor man’s Derek Rose. And how many titles does Derek Rose have? Did LeBron retire? No. Then stop it.
I also have to laugh at the sudden rehabilitation of Scott Brooks’ reputation. This guy made the finals ONCE with Durant, Westbrook and Ibaka — I am not even counting the finals gag job with JAMES FREAKING HARDEN on that team as well. Old ass Mavericks and Spurs teams kept beating them. The excuse was that those teams had experience. Then they started getting beaten by a younger Warriors team who exposed how terrible the Thunder offense was despite having — oh, yeah — Durant, Westbrook and Ibaka.
Now, he’s a good coach again because he’s won ONE series in the EASTERN CONFERENCE (!!) with John Wall and Beal?? Talk about low standards.
I am picking the Celtics because they are tougher, play smarter and their coach is 10 times the coach Brooks will ever be. The other issue is that Wall is not a good enough defender to give Thomas ANY trouble whereas Boston has multiple wings it can throw at Beal and Wall.
CELTICS IN 6
CAVALIERS VS. RAPTORS
If Cleveland is going to lose in the East, this is the series. They have serious defensive issues that they seem to be unable to solve. The Pacers had no one on their team and they scored up and down the court on Cleveland.
The Raptors are a bunch of B+ players, but they have a lot of those players. Most importantly, they play defense. And Lowry and DeRozan aren’t afraid to take big shots — even though they don’t make those shots far too often.
I really wish I had the guts to call the upset, but I can’t do it for the following reasons.
1) I can’t pick DeRozan and Lowry over freaking LeBron James. I just can’t do it.
2) I have seen DeRozan and Lowry lay bricks too often when it counted. There are games where they just don’t have it. You can’t be that sort of team in the playoffs — especially against the King. If you gave away games to LeBron, you can’t hope to win a series against him.
3) Toronto’s defense is good, but it’s not great. Know what’s great? Cleveland’s offense.
The teams LeBron has lost to in recent years had Nowitzki, Duncan, Pierce, Garnett, Curry — any one in there you would speak of in the same breath as Toronto’s stars? I didn’t think so.
Enough said. (But it will be a tougher series than people think.)
CAVALIERS IN 6
WESTERN CONFERENCE
WARRIORS VS. JAZZ
Shastradamus was performing ascetic rituals in India to hone his yogic powers for most of the NBA season. So he didn’t get to see the Warriors much. Holy cow (no pun intended)!
How do I put it? The Jazz have NO chance. Is that clear enough? Ok, let’s move on then.
I will say this….the Warriors may have run into the ONE coach who can stop their unreal, unstoppable, brilliant, virtuoso jazz (I worked hard on that, so don’t you DARE pardon the pun) offense. And that man’s name is Mike Brown.
This is a mind capable of beating the Warriors, but not against the Jazz.
But let’s give him some time.
WARRIORS IN 4 (Because Utah DOES have sales tax and it elects Jason Chaffetz, Orrin Hatch and…I could name every elected official in the state….)
SPURS VS. ROCKETS
This is another example of a series where the so-called experts are over-reacting to the previous round. I see way too many people picking the Rockets in this series. The reason is obvious — Houston coasted while San Antonio struggled in Round 1.
But why did that happen? Houston played a one-man team that was severely outgunned and had no one who could seriously bother Harden. Meanwhile San Antonio played a team that took it out of its comfort zone and punished its big (in name only) men.
The Spurs are not the team of David Robinson and Tim Duncan. They are not half court. They play a fast up and down game just like Houston. The only difference is that they do it with more discipline and can defend. Houston cannot defend AT ALL. Harden is an atrocious defensive player. To be perfectly honest, I hate Harden’s game — his pounding of the ball at the top of the circle, his flailing for fouls, his beard, the way he seems a little fat.
But that’s not (only) why I am picking San Antonio. If you are playing the Spurs style, you better overwhelm them with talent. Even if you aren’t, you better do so — case in point, the Thunder last year. There is no such talent delta with Houston. Additionally, San Antonio can stick Leonard on Harden at critical points in the game. Trust me, he didn’t see anything like that in the previous series.
And do I even need to mention Mike “Bust ’em in the playoffs” D’Antoni against Pops?
SPURS IN 6
